We’ve all had an ex that we can’t seem to get out of our minds. A harmful friendship we hold on to even though it exhausts us. Or even a family member who is toxic. Why can’t we learn how to let go of someone, even when we know they’re not good for us?
Holding on is a natural human instinct – and it’s also a critical way that we stop ourselves from reaching our goals. Because ultimately, not knowing how to move on harms you: It prevents you from achieving your true potential.
Why is letting go so hard?
Why do we have so much trouble learning how to let go of someone we love? We like to hold on to things, situations and especially people because it fulfills our need for certainty. Certainty is one of the six human needs that drive every decision we make. Letting go and moving on from a relationship often entails a large amount of uncertainty. Even if your relationship had reached its conclusion or one or both of you were very unhappy, there was still an amount of certainty there that was comforting.
Sometimes we use the past to justify our current decisions and that’s why we can’t figure out how to let go. Remember when you were rejected by several potential mates in high school or college? Those instances could make you hold on to a partner – even one who is not good for you – because you are afraid you won’t find anyone else. Those memories justify everything for you. When you’re unable to let go, those memories become a part of your “story” and work against you.
Signs you haven’t moved on
Learning how to let go of someone you love – someone you’ve built a deep connection with and whom you’ve shared your life with – is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. That’s why so many people break up, but never truly discover how to move on. If these signs are familiar, you may be one of those people:
You’re always wondering what could have been
You think of the person constantly, or at time when you’d rather not
You spend a lot of time reliving memories or looking them up on social media
You bring them up often when talking to friends
When you’re feeling down, they’re the first person you think to call
You make changes to your life or appearance to get them back
You feel anxious or even angry when you see the person
You blame them or want to get revenge for perceived slights
Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy, but holding on only holds you back from the possibility of an Extraordinary relationship. To focus your energy on living positively and proactively, you need to learn how to move on. Are you ready to let go of relationships that no longer serve you?
How to let go of someone
Knowing you need to let go and actually letting go are two very different things. These tips will help you discover how to move on once and for all.
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